person who is abused
Did you start thinking how you can plan your
safety and happiness? Nothing will change if you are waiting for your abusive
partner to change and you are trying to please him more. Get informed on what
services are available for people experiencing domestic violence. When it is
safe and your abusive partner is not present call the helpline 1440. Talk about
all that has been going on, learn your rights and explore the available options
to protect yourself.
living with an abusive partner:
Identify your partner’s use and level of force
so that you can assess the risk of physical danger to you and your children
before it occurs.
Identify safe areas of the house where there
are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to
Don’t run to where the children are, as your
partner may hurt them as well.
If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a
small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face
protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
If possible, have a phone accessible at all
times and know what numbers to call for help. If your life is in danger, call
Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your
situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.
Teach your children how to get help. Instruct
them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a
code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
Tell your children that violence is never
right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither
you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when
anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.
Practice how to get out safely. Practice with
Plan for what you will do if your children
tells your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about
Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away
and as inaccessible as possible.
Make a habit of backing the car into the
driveway and keeping it fueled.
Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that
could be used to strangle you.
Create several plausible reasons for leaving
the house at different times of the day or night.
planning with Children
If you are in an abusive relationship, a safety
plan should include ways that your children can stay safe when violence is
happening in your home. It’s key to remember that if the violence is
escalating, you should avoid running to the children because your partner may
hurt them as well
Teach your children when and how to call 199 or
Instruct them to leave the home if possible
when things begin to escalate, and where they can go.
Come up with a code word that you can say when
they need to leave the home in case of an emergency — make sure that they know
not to tell others what the secret word means.
Identify a room they can go to when they’re
afraid and something they can think about when they’re scared.
Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen,
bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons.
Teach them that although they want to protect
their parent, they should never intervene.
Help them make a list of people that they are
comfortable talking with and expressing themselves to.
Enroll them in a counseling program. Contact
your Municipality for information and the Association for the Prevention and
Handling of Violence in the Family.
for Unsupervised Visits
If you have separated from an abusive partner
and are concerned for your children’s safety when they visit your ex,
developing a safety plan for while they are visiting can be beneficial.
Brainstorm with your children (if they are old
enough) to come up with ways that they can stay safe using the same model as
you would for your own home. Have them identify where they can get to a phone,
how they can leave the house, and who they can go to.
If it’s safe to do, send a mobile phone with
the children to be used in emergency situations — this can be used to call 199,
a neighbor or you if they need aid.
for Safe Custody Exchanges
Bring a friend or relative with you to the
Emotional safety plan as well – figure out something
to do before the exchange to calm any nerves you’re feeling, and something
after to focus on yourself or the kids, such as going to a park or doing a fun
have safety conversations with your children
Let your child know that what’s happening is
not their fault and that they didn’t cause it.
Let them know how much you love them and that
you support them no matter what.
Tell them that you want to protect them and
that you want everyone to be safe, so you have to come up with a plan to use in
case of emergencies.
It’s important to remember that when you’re
safety planning with a child, they might tell this information to the abusive
partner, which could make the situation more dangerous (ex. “Mom said to do
this if you get angry.”) When talking about these plans with your child, use
phrases such as “We’re practicing what to do in an emergency,” instead of
“We’re planning what you can do when dad/mom becomes violent.”
planning during pregnancy:
Pregnancy is a time of change. Pregnancy can be
full of excitement but also comes with an added need for support. It’s natural
to need emotional support from a partner, as well as perhaps financial
assistance, help to prepare for the baby and more.
If your partner is emotionally or physically
abusive toward you, it can make these months of transition especially
difficult. Pregnancy can be an especially dangerous time for women in abusive
relationships, and abuse can often begin or escalate during the pregnancy.
you get help?
If you’re pregnant, there is always a
heightened risk during violent situations.
If you’re in a home with stairs, try to stay on
the first floor. Getting into the fetal position around your stomach if
you’re being attacked is another tactic that can be instrumental in staying
Doctor’s visits can be an opportunity to
discuss what is going on in your relationship.
If your partner goes to these appointments with
you, try to find a moment when they’re out of the room to ask your care
provider (or even the front desk receptionist) about coming up with an excuse
to talk to them one-on-one.
For more information you can look at the
category ‘programs’ of our website.
above text is taken from the website http://www.thehotline.org/help/
– The National Domestic Violence Hotline
Leaving an abusive relationship